Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
