I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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