i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
