My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
