i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
