He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He better not be in your backpack
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
