I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
