you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
