Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The air was thick with penises
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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