I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
