So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
