READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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