So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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