Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
