Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
