Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
