I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
