he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
