she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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