you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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