I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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