she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
