Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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