i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
