porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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