Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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