I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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