wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
