Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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