I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
