A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was born a porn star she said
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
