im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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