Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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