sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize