don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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