I am puke
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
