I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
