Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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