hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
