im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
