Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
