i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
