make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
