she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
