"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
