I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
