Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
