there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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