This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
