hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
