So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
