TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
