O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize