is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
