Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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