is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
