Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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