i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
