currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
