dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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