I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
