We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
