Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
