Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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