This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
