he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize