Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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