yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
