here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize