is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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