Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How external is "for external use only"?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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