he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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