so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We left the knife in your bed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
