Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
