so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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