I didn't shave. On purpose
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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