Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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