Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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