I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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