I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
