Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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