Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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