What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
