I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
