And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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