you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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