Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
