i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
