I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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