If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Such a big mess for such a small penis
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
