my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
