I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize