Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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