So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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