so that wasnt chicken after all
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
