I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
