Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
