i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
