you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
