Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She bit a glass in half.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
