if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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