Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
