dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
