why didn't you poke me back
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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