i just google imaged poop.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
