my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
