She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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