I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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