You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
