he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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