it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
