im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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