I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They took my balls.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
